I know everyone must think this, but bugs in general are out to get me specifically. Bugs and frogs, but today we are just going to discuss the bugs. They know my name, what apartment I live in, and have a tracking system planted somewhere on my vehicle that I can’t locate. I guess that’s because a bug made locator device would be rather microscopic, but whatever. The point is that they are watching me. They are. The proof is in the battles.
Show Down #1:
I never roll my windows all the way down in my vehicle. I’m have long hair, and I bitch when the wind messes it up. There I said it. I am very much a girl. A small crack will always suffice when needing fresh air. Until they missile their way into my vehicle that is. They strategically wait to strike until they see that I have exceeded 50 mph. On the highway. In rush hour.
They know my attempts to halt swiftly and counter attack will be futile. Their tactics are flawless. I have yet to determine how they train for such accuracy.
Becca: 0 Bugs: 1
Show Down #2:
I recently and excitedly received a new office plant. It was extra special because it required about the same amount of care as a door stop. Unfortunately, New Office Plant soon took a turn for the worse when it grew gnat babies. I, in turn, grew increasingly violent. May New Office Plant rest in peace.
Show Down # 3:
I arrived home Tuesday afternoon in a hurry to shower and meet a friend of mine for dinner. I frantically disrobed and turned the shower on when I heard the foreboding humming noise that, as you can see, I am all too familiar with. As I turned my gaze upwards, my eyes immediately darted to the most colossal fly I have ever dueled. I felt like Beetlejuice when he lures in that fly with a Zagnut bar. Only with naked screaming and throwing socks at my ceiling instead.
Luckily, Jumping-Jack-the-supercat came to the rescue.
Then he shamelessly ate the fly in front of my face and sealed the deal by fervently licking his balls, which was seriously disappointing.
Becca: 1 Bugs:1 Jack: 3
MOVEMBER BANNER TEASER COMING SOON
- Absolutely Ghastly Ways to Die… If You’re An Arthropod (a bug) (motleynews.net)
- Bug Hotel (spoonful.com)
- Bug Attack Costume (spoonful.com)